I hadn't slept all night, I hadn't studied at all for the test and I knew in various levels that I was fucked, I had gotten good marks in my Writing (560) and Reading (650) SAT so all I had to take was Math (420..ironically)... as you could guess my worst subject, but I'm a magician, if I go down I go down in an enchanted ass blaze of glory. 5:45am hit and I took a bath, heading down I started to prepare some coffee, the beads connected with my Guardian Orisha, Agayu, placed around my neck. Walking into my spiritual temple/garage I started lighting up the candles on my Boveda, reciting my prayers, honoring the divine mysteries, the mysteries of nature, and the honored dead who walk with me.
Funny enough it was Wednesday, the day associated with Mercury, so after tapping my spirit staff three times on the ground I rang a little bell 8 times and intoned the divine name associated with the Mercurial forces, then said a short prayer in honor of the mysteries associated with that force, after pouring some water libations I reached for 1 of the 6 down turned boveda glasses (that I had kept in a little drawer opened up right below the main Boveda area which had the central 'fountain' cognac cup with a small wooden cross both having belonged and having been used by my late Grandpa in his own practice. The other thin cups I kept on top of 6 consecrated planetary talismans, the 7th, solar talisman being underneath the main cup.) That day being a Mercurial day I pulled out the glass on top of the Mercurial talisman, filling it with water and saying some prayers, asking for the mysteries blessings and benedictions I then proceeded with the rest of my daily routine. Lighting up a little block of charcoal in my thurible I waited for it to ignite to place some frankincense on it, in the mean time I poured some honey to the gate keepers and lit up a cigar blowing some of the smoke on a machete I used to honor the Warrior mysteries, I blew some on myself to purify me. With my machete I proceeded to make the pentagram symbols in the four directions, doing so after blowing some tobacco smoke, saying an incantation involving the five holy wounds of Christ, and honoring the four great archangels, the familiar sound started, the crackling of the charcoal block. Put some frankincense on it and the smoke began to rise, circling the thurible around la Boveda three times, for the light of the holy trinity, and the three holy virtues, I then performed the rosy cross to establish the temple as a place of Christ consciousness and to promote the cultivation of the Sacred Heart. Praying that the holy waters of the fountain quench our thirst and the thirst of all beings with the holy spirit through sacred compassion and that the flames of wisdom burn away all illusions and melt any mental blocks.
One short break with a few shots of coffee later, I went upstairs and got a cigarette paper and some red ink and a paint brush, then went to the spiritual room to get a consecrated bottle of red wine, coming back out into the living room I took a deep breath, it would be the first time in all my five years of experience I ever used blood for a magical working, got a small white plate poured the wine and the red ink..now for the blood. I got the little tool used by my mom to prick her finger to check her blood sugar *click* little shrill scream later I noticed no blood coming out...about 5 tries later I finally got some, one little droplet added to the mix...PERFECT...!!!! Mixed it all together and began drawing some Mercurial symbols and my petition on the cigarette paper, folding it towards me, I filled a little cup with some distilled water and started heading out to the room. Setting the stuff down, I got a little piece of cascarilla from my altar and drew an encircled cross in front of it, reaching into my Bovedas middle shelf, above my Guede shrine, in which I would place all my lamens and alchemical tinctures, I got the object I was looking for, a little aluminum foil wrapped jar, my beautiful child, my parsley tincture and next to it a little plastic bag which contained its cremated corpse.
"URGH DAMN IT" I thought to myself..in all caps, speed walking out the room and heading upstairs, I went into my room, opening the drawer of my bed platform, I reached passed a small plate that contained two small wax eyeballs and got an orange candle that I set in front of a St. Lucy icon..lightly jogging back downstairs, I went into my temple and put the candle down next to all the objects and lit it..okey dokey:
1. Colorful Candle *check*
2. Cool cage decorations *check* (yea I know self defacing humor gets old I'll keep it down)
3. Miscellaneous *check*
4. Dread and desperation..*check*
5. Solemn resolve *check*
Lets fuckin' do this
Getting a small orange plastic kids spoon I put some drops of the tincture into the cup, then a little bit of the parsley ash, getting the cigarette paper talisman I proceeded to set it on fire using the orange candle..got a nice blister and most of the ashes of the paper talisman fell of the floor but a small amount did land in the water..gucci...one shot later, I fell into a light trance, the power flowing through. But the butterflies still remained, I still felt shivering nervousness and then I caught myself, never once did I ask to pass this test, never once did I ask to receive all the answers all I wanted was to go through this and stay sharp...was it just that I didn't want to have to question my own faith? Well whatever it was I got up, filled the martial cup with water, vibrated the holy name and said a short incantation, lighting up the cigar once more, while I was upstairs before hand I checked my computer to see the time, martial hour. Grabbing the machete once I began to pore breath the energies within the room, beautiful orange and crimson hues, and I prayed, not for a quick fix but for the courage to face the destiny ahead of me. So turning off all but one candle (the orange one left in vigil within a bowl of water) I stepped outside of my spiritual room, my mom was in the kitchen having just woken up, reaching over to kiss her she took a whiff and told me "you smell like sorcery."
So I got dressed but unfortunately in my nervous rush I forgot all about my favorite Corduroy Blazer, to me that thing symbolizes raw victory and prosperity (I know, how tacky right?) but whatever time to lock and load, my mom and I went down to Miami Dade College and I joined the long waiting line, luckily for my nerves three people I knew from high school where there and me mom was at my side, so some small talk and nervous smiles later I went to take the test with a few "good lucks" thrown my way.
Guess what?
I completely and utterly bombed that test, failed it disgustingly, and I knew it was gonna happen why cause I'm an asshole and I didn't study before hand. I accepted this and the next day I went to the library to get some study material and accepted the two remedial classes as penance for my idiocy and plus I sincerely do need some active practice in math. So I take it for what it is and move on.
How do I try to justify this as a somewhat successful operation?
The simple fact is that I don't believe the spirits are gonna whisper something in my ear to let me get by easy, it isn't the way the spirits I work with roll plain and simple and I really don't aspect them too either. But about 4 years ago a similar scenario happened, when I was suppose to pass 8th grade, I bombed math and failed my Final, it was really painful for me, I truly thought that with the help of the spirits and no study I could pass, I confident in that fact, it had been about 1 year since I first started practicing at the time, but even then I would go to a Feng Shui shop and help the clients out, at that time I was working on a divorce/child custody.domination/job series of spells, the job one I remember got results within 3 days blessings be to St. Lazarus, the rest I'm not so sure off..nasty business (for some reason when I was 13 and 14 I came to experience adultery, harassment, and death as an active spiritual worker, learning what it meant to be Human and helpless against fate, but man was I a defiant little fucker) but needless to say I failed..and I immaturely took it out on the spirits, crying and throwing a tantrum, I was in denial. When I went through summer school though I discovered what a hidden blessing it was, I socialized with a cool group of people, I soaked in the summer rays, and I learned math..truly learned it at that level, then after that by some miracle I'll talk about later I was able to move on to high school and do my thing. Still though I felt for the first time in action an honor and integrity that gripped me, a sense of responsibility that I didn't know I had and an urge to improve, so I still blaze forward onward and upwards, a magician till the very end, and I know one day I'll take that fuckin' test again and I'll kick its ass, next time though I'll study and of course not forget to wear the blazer.
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